


To Be Wanted

by zipandzap95



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Childhood Memories, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, I'm not gonna lie, Insecurity, Inspector Spacetime (brief), Kind of based off of a true story, M/M, Making Out, Touch-Starved, Troy Barnes POV, i'm just projecting at this point
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 02:20:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30014625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zipandzap95/pseuds/zipandzap95
Summary: "Hey Abed, do you like being touched?"Troy asked the question with a straight face and neutral tone, but his heart was hammering. He needed to know.--Something's been bothering Troy, something from his past. And he's been waiting for his friendship with Abed to take the turn that most of his friendships do, but it hasn't yet. What's different about this one? And how is he ever going to get an answer to his question from Abed as discreetly as possible?(Warning: written in 15 minutes, plot may be nonexistent)
Relationships: Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Comments: 10
Kudos: 55





	To Be Wanted

"Hey Abed, do you like being touched?"

Troy asked the question with a straight face and neutral tone, but his heart was hammering. He needed to know.

Abed looked up expressionless from the TV, where _Inspector Spacetime_ was still blaring from the screen. He cocked his head curiously at Troy, looking at him with an inquisitive glint in his eyes.

"I'm not against it," answered Abed. "As long as it's someone I trust."

"Does it...ever... make you feel weird?"

Abed shifted in his seat so that he could face Troy. "Not if it's expected, or within the context of the situation," he said. "And they're not trying to hurt me."

Troy looked off past Abed's shoulder, as if he was deep in thought for a moment. "You trust me enough to let me be close to you, right?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

Troy suddenly stopped breathing, seemingly; and he knew that he looked crestfallen, as if he wasn't truly convinced. Abed tilted his head, his brows creased. He moved his hand.

"Here. See?"

Abed reached over to Troy's space and took his hand, folding over his palm into his. Troy startled, and he looked down at their joined hands, his eyes widening as he felt Abed's skin against his.

"Oh." Troy cleared his throat thickly. "Right."

"Are you all right, Troy? You seem distracted."

Troy looked up. "No. Well, I mean, yes, I'm all _right,_ I'm just... thinking."

"Why are you thinking about my comfort with being physically close to you?"

"Because I'm just-" Troy shook his head. "Look, it's really hard to explain, Abed. Just forget it. It's not important."

Troy could hear Abed next to him, sitting still, thinking. Then, to his surprise, Abed was moving and straddling Troy's lap, locking him in a hard gaze. Abed's palm was pressed against Troy's cheek, his other still holding Troy's hand.

"There. Do you need any more proof?"

"A-Abed?" Troy stammered, his mind racing fast with the suddenness of his thoughts. "What are you doing?"

"I'm proving a point, Troy," said Abed from above him. "For some reason, this seems to be bothering you. I want to know why that is, and I want to prove to you that I am okay with touching someone I am emotionally close to."

"I...I..."

"You brought it up, Troy. And you interrupted Inspector Spacetime. This is obviously something that's important to you, and I'd like to know why that is."

"It's _nothing_ , Abed," Troy stammered, panicked. "Can you just-"

"Forget it?" Abed guessed. "No. That's not in my nature. I just want to know that you're all right."

Troy looked at him, deep into his eyes. Abed met his determined gaze, his hand steady on the side of Troy's face. It was clear that Abed wasn't going to move away anytime soon, and it was clear that Troy had no way to backpedal out of this now.

"Abed, it is really stupid."

"Try me."

Troy breathed in deeply to calm his racing heart, trying and failing to disguise it as a nearly uninterested sigh. He knew he was an open book to Abed. Always will be.

"Okay," Troy started. "Look. I... when I was in high school, no one wanted to... _hug_ me. Like, sure. The players and I would slap each other on the backs after a game, even on our butts, but... it was never meaningful. And...and when I had girlfriends, they...they only wanted to hold me to make sure I'd have sex with them later. And then when I told them I wasn't interested in that... they..."

Troy trailed off in his speech, suddenly finding it too difficult to talk, and Abed's eyes scanned his face. "They left you."

Troy looked away, unable to meet Abed's eyes that seemed to be so close to him. "Look, the truth is... I've never had another person as important to me as you, Abed. And you're the only one who... who seems to trust me enough to be close with them. And I don't... want to _lose_ you."

Finally, Troy fell silent. This had been eating at him for quite some time. Ever since he and Abed became friends, he had been waiting for the other shoe to drop. He'd been waiting for Abed to move away every time Troy walked too close to him in the halls, every time their hands accidentally brushed. And Troy had been holding back from hugging him.

There were even moments when Troy wanted to kiss him.

But that thought had to be immediately expelled; there's no way that was ever going to happen.

"Hey I-" Troy said, hearing his voice crack. "I'm sorry for stopping the show. We can just... we can rewind it and we-"

Abed leaned forward and hugged him, wrapping his arms around Troy's neck and pressing his face against Troy's shoulder. Troy inhaled sharply, feeling the unexpected tears spring into his eyes.

After a few seconds, Troy hugged him back, hesitantly burying his face in Abed's neck and wrapping his arms around Abed's thin frame, as if he would pull away any moment.

But the fabric on Abed's jacket was soft and warm, and the press of his limbs against Troy's body was so comforting and safe. It was like suddenly being wrapped in the promise that everything was fine, and there was nothing that Troy could do to lose it. It made Troy feel breathless: just the sheer emotion that a simple hug drew from him after years of being starved from it. Years of thinking he'd never receive it.

They stayed like that for a long time, either for three minutes or an hour. Troy would never know. He didn't care, either. All that mattered was that Abed had answered his question: he didn't mind being touched.

After an uncertain amount of time spent in silence, only broken by the soft 'old-timey' dialogue of the TV, Abed turned and murmured into Troy's ear.

"No one should ever feel like they're not wanted," Abed told him, and Troy almost started crying. "No one should ever feel like comfort or love is conditional, or that any form of it can be immediately taken away."

"Abed..." said Troy, his voice clenched.

Abed pulled back, and Troy's nose was nearly touching his. Troy could barely make any noise; his throat had become too closed up.

"No one," Abed continued, softly. "should ever feel alone, or that there's no one who could want them. Because there is, Troy. There's someone out there for all of us, remember?"

Troy nodded. He bit his lip to keep from spilling all of his emotions prematurely. It was a habit that was difficult to break.

"And no one," Abed finally said, Troy's face in his hands. "should feel like being vulnerable with another person is the worst thing they can do. Because it's not. It's closing everyone off that could possibly love them. It's pushing away the chances of love that were there in front of them the whole time."

Then Abed gently pressed his forehead against Troy's, and Troy was sure that he had left his body. Abed breathed deeply against him, compelling Troy to do the same, allowing his eyes to slowly fall closed.

Somewhere in this moment, Troy's nose had become slightly runny, much to his distressing embarrassment.

He can't cry. Not now. Not in front of Abed.

"It's okay, Troy," said Abed softly, reading his thoughts. "I'm here. You can let it out now. Please."

Troy finally, choked out a sudden sob, one that was hidden in the back of his throat for so long, one that he had buried down for so many years. All of the times his friends had moved away from him on the couch, saying this was too close. Saying he was too clingy. All of the times that he wanted a hug, desperately, after a long day of running and studying, and he was denied it because it was unprecedented.

All of the times his so-called friends didn't see how their words killed him inside. And all of the times he had to learn to follow their lead, and never bring it up again.

Troy cried, his tears spilling down his cheeks, his lips pressed so tightly together in silent breathlessness, and his eyebrows knit so hard that his forehead began to ache.

Abed shushed him comfortingly, wiping away Troy's tears with the pad of his thumb, his thin arms bringing Troy closer to him as he kept his forehead resolutely against Troy's.

"I'm sorry you carried this with you..." Abed whispered sincerely. "...for so long. No one should have to."

"I-I..." Troy gasped. "I'm sorry that I'm-"

"No. Stop it. Stop apologizing. You don't deserve to. You don't _have_ to. There's nothing to be sorry about."

Abed brought Troy's face closer, and to Troy's astonishment, began pressing soft kisses all over his cheeks. He smoothed the creases on Troy's forehead, and the clenching of skin by Troy's stressed eyes. Abed wiped it all away, pressing his lips to Troy's puffy eyelids and to the tip of his red nose.

Abed combed his hands through Troy's dark hair, scratching softly at his scalp. Troy let out a soft murmur that should have been a moan, but his voice didn't carry it all the way through. He simply basked in the feeling of Abed invading his senses, surrounding him until there was nothing more that seemed to matter.

Eventually, Troy moved his hands from Abed's hips and back and gently cupped Abed's face in his hands to stop the motions that were leaving him breathless.

They were so close together, as they had been for so many minutes. This was the most that anyone had ever trusted Troy before, the closest that anyone had ever allowed him to stay. It was overwhelming how loved and secure Troy felt right now, in Abed's arms, in Abed's space.

Abed stared back at him, and it was clear that he was holding back. His eyes kept darting down to Troy's mouth, his own lips parted, his cheeks red, his mouth thick from kissing Troy's tear-stained face.

"Can you kiss me?" Troy asked, hopefully, his voice raspy. "For real, this time?"

Abed nodded his head almost immediately. "Get out of my brain."

Troy huffed out a laugh as Abed leaned closer and finally connected their lips, dragging his palm down Troy's chest and allowing him to hold his face gently. Abed tilted Troy's head forward, his fingers buried in his hair as his other hand curved around Troy's hip.

Troy shifted, now taking control of the kiss with an arm wrapped around Abed's waist and lowered him until they were lying down on the couch, Troy kissing Abed as he determinedly straddled him. Abed gasped against his mouth; apparently, he enjoyed being manhandled this way.

 _As long as it's someone he trusts._ Troy recalled through his hazed mind, and he grinned.

Abed held Troy close, as if he was intent on hugging Troy for as long as possible. One hand was still tangled at the nape of Troy's neck while the other was pressed to his lower back, causing Troy to be pinned against his entire body.

Abruptly, Abed broke the kiss, eyeing Troy with concern and questioning. "Wait. What if you don't want to do this?"

"What?" Troy breathed, his palms to the cushions, on either side of Abed's head. "What do you mean?"

"Troy, you're vulnerable," Abed said softly. "I don't want you to regret this later, or worse, resent me for taking advantage of you."

"Taking advantage of me?" Troy repeated, sounding utterly distraught. "Abed, I've wanted this for months."

Abed glanced up at him, his hand still woven into Troy's hair. "You have?"

"Yeah. Believe me, Abed. I would have stopped you. I want you. And I'm so, so relieved that you want me, too."

Now it was Abed's turn to be nearly speechless. Troy leaned down and pressed his lips against Abed's neck.

"And I want to keep going, if that's all right with you."

Abed let out a soft whimper. "Okay, okay, yes, just stop talking."

Troy laughed, allowing Abed to wrap him in another hug as he pressed his lips against Troy's, making him feel more loved and wanted than anyone ever had before.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos are loved, comments are digital gold. <3
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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